loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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