i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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