I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
