So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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