ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
