We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
