Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
