it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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