I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
