If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
