Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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