i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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