I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
