We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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