He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
