Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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