stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
