Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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