Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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