I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you made out with another girl for some wings
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
