he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
