Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
