You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
