Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
