I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
