Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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