So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
