I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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