i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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