I bet he comes in French.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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