Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
