I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i now understand why vodka
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
