so that wasnt chicken after all
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
