Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
