oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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