Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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