Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
