If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
