One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
