did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My nipple is on Facebook.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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