So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
