Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
