why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
