this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
