Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
