He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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