i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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