remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
