I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
