Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
